I sat amongst a group of girls, discussing our personal qualms with finding the right partner. A mixed crescendo of complaints and hardships finding the perfect person. And I sat there, in silent contemplation of my past and how detrimental it was for me to be with someone that ‘had it all’.
The perfect partner looks different to everybody, but I found the same running theme to be:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people complain about productivity burnout. How I’ve seen people ask for trigger warnings for those who boast about how swamped they are juggling their work load with their daily routines. Where a majority of their following is staying at home, filling their days with Netflix and Youtube and TikTok because they’ve been laid off during the pandemic.
With all this free time, we’ve been pressured into believing that it’s been a long term vacation. …
The fear of inadequacy is enough to bring you to hatred
“I was really surprised that were you were so kind to me, because women are usually really rude to me.”
This was shortly after I had met this model at the after party after a concert my friend and I attended, completely by accident. We had played with fate and was pleasantly surprised by a night of serendipity. We decided to walk to this bar I was denied entry from a few nights previous, after we had attended this concert to make her Ex jealous.
The night looked like…
“You slept with her? ..You could do better”
He looked at me with this intensity. A bitter disappointment that something this vile could come out of my mouth. Like I had matter of factly answered wrong to a question he‘d spent his entire life answering.
The same mouth that would constantly tell him to think of compassion in light of the rude interactions he encounters. From the thoughtlessness in his traditional grandfather’s ways (as he was probably raised in worst conditions). The methods at which his peers act and react (as they may be having a bad day). He has…
Millions of people had spent the better part of 2020 indoors, locked away from any possibility of human connection. Touching another person that wasn’t a part of your immediate household seemed blasphemous. So, I grew more accustomed to life without other people, and felt awkward in my many social interactions thereafter.
Once the restrictions lightened up, and Daddy Trudeau could no longer subsidize my existence with a monthly allowance, I leaped at the chance for a job by my former manager. I came into this brand new restaurant that just so happened to prepare for it’s open before the pandemic…
There is typically a great disparity between who we wish to be and who we actually are. On one side, every mistake and embarrassment is backed by this unshakeable desire to be the perfect person. When our mouth falters in areas where our greatest potential could be actualized, we end up talking ourselves further more into the hole of despair, lamenting our self-rejection. As for our truly imperfect self, we fail to recognize how limitless our personality can be.
Anatta (a buddhist methodology) embodies this ideology. There is no self. Basically everything that we think we are, or try to…
A part of me has always been so attracted to this idea of internet popularity. These rich Youtubers, and constantly traveling Instagram Influencers have found a way to perfect the game of life. But more and more of society is seeing through the facades.
As much as I can dream about constantly traveling or having a manager tell me my entire month is filled with interviews and show appearances, I would much prefer my life of sedentary enjoyment than to be contriving a life for attention.
There are a few friends I have on my social media feeds who some…
“Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” — Jimi Henrix
As a child, stillness was lost on me. I took every chance I could to speak as if silence were equal to drowning. To speak was to breathe.
Every stage of my life has lead me to speaking less and less. In some ways, I felt more vulnerable to other peoples judgements whenever I spoke. This was especially apparent in how judgemental I became in my early teen years. Gossip and dislike towards others grew on me like fungus on a rotting corpse as persistent shit talkers would find anchorage in me. It…
There’s a very tight knit correlation between my current self-image and my spending habits. I can spend hundreds of dollars in a flash over items that can make me feel good momentarily, constantly trying to redefine myself by the things I wear, only to find myself faced with wanting a change much deeper than the reflection I face in the mirror.
It’s been about 6 months since we’ve all had the collective freedom to be in tight spaces, mask free. 7 months since I’ve felt this euphoric state of pure unadulterated freedom in a new country. And about a year…
I was walking home from exams with head phones in when I was passing by the sketchiest intersection in the city. A church/homeless centre sits on this corner, splattered with white bird feces like a Jackson Pollock painting. Junkies, sex workers and the homeless would loiter the street.
I had always used this area as a practise ground to assert a sense of confidence and power. But on this particular day, in an attempt to level with all human beings by treating everybody with attentive kindness, I had made a big mistake.
twenty-something year old living in Toronto ☯ Aimless in her pursuit of happiness.☻ twentyandthree.ca